this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
