Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
