with your own penis?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize