dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
