I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
