ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
