he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
