what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
