Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
