I bet he comes in French.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize