If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
