I'm laying in your front yard are you home
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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