My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
