there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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