the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
tell me about the eggs
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