My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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