I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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