where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
