dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
