I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
