I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize