you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize