I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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