You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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