youre lurking in front of me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
