And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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