dude i'm inner monologue high
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
