i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
