I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
