Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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