My friends, they love my intelligence
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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