He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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