at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize