We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
