I need to stop coming to work sober
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
