Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
