1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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