He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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