I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize