Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
