i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
