so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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