You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
