I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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