but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
