I just cut my nipple shaving
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
