Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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