im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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