I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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