hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
