you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
