I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
