You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
