Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
