I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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