i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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