i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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