I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
