i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
