You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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