Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
