fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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