omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
