Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
