I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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