She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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