I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
