Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
